OFF THE RECORD
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Surrender
I really didn’t think he would try a war. But it turns out dismantling democracy takes some time.
Kinder
Absolute chaos struck the gymnasium upon the children’s entrance. Everybody and their mother wanted a picture, and they weren’t even supposed to bring their mothers,…
Comforter
I routinely only keep one blanket on the bed, winter through summer, excepting the occasion of the coldest or warmest nights. It was bought at…
Divider
Everything is right with the world / Everything is wrong with the world.
Lover
Think back. You can remember.
Alma Mater
Look, I think what I really need to do next is write a song. Hear me out. (If I’d just said that out loud to…
Moniker
Everyone belongs here. Everyone is welcome. Come, sit, have a good time.
Creamer
I’ve decided I’m fat. I’m over 200 pounds. I’ve never been over 200 pounds before. I’ve had to buy all new pants. I read an…
Cancer
I’m stuck in the ‘anger’ stage of grief. I really believe the path forward is together, but I think, like, psychologically, I’ll be stuck for…
Member
His dong hit the bar. The French pole vaulter failed his pole vault because, on his way down on the other side—he’d made it, he’d…
Banker
Maybe that should be my profile intro. Hey ladies, I got money, hit me up.
Pitter Patter
I never imagined only having one child. It didn’t occur to me that was a possibility to worry about. What’s the point of starting a…
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Aaron M. Fortkamp 